Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

I’ve just finished writing spark!

spark! is the book that I have written based on this blog.

Now I need 15 beta readers who are tired of being alone.

About the book:

When you are ready for the partner of your dreams, read this book.

Spark! is about how to manifest your marvelous match.

This book is not about where to find your champion, but how with fourteen steps and three tests, to manifest your champion.

The key is you have to know what you are looking for.

If I can find my special someone, so can you.

Read spark! to learn how to manifest your marvelous match.

This project started when I was a newly divorce woman in my late thirties, looking to meet the person with whom I hoped to spend the rest of my life.

I decided to do something I had never done before – write my own personal ad.

When I decided to submerse myself in the online dating frenzy I wanted a way to determine if a potential date was the type of a person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with without going on a kazillion dates. It was initially a scary thing, but when I applied a little psychology it worked.

I created a formula, which turned into fourteen steps and three tests. When my friends realized the success I had, they wanted to know how I was able to find my champion. So I wrote it out and now I’m sharing it with the world.

How it works:

If you are interested in being a beta reader send me your Name, address, phone number and email address.

Tell me if you want a copy in PDF or ePub (iBook) format.

Next, you read it in the next three weeks and then answer the questions at the end of the book, to give me feedback, and send your answer to me by January 31.

It’s that simple.

To thank you I’ll send you an autographed copy when it’s published, but by then you may be thanking me by inviting me to your wedding.

Sound good? Let me know you’re interested by sending me your name, phone number and email address to Julie@JulieMCovert.com

Let’s get reading!




ps – if you have any friends who are interested in reading it and submitting feedback please have them contact me.

Spark cover 010313

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This blog is about the ability to be clear with one’s intention. When you are clear about your intention then anything and everything can happen.


I was laying in bed one morning thinking about what I wanted in my partner, whom I would like to marry. It had been a few months after I had ended a wonderful relationship because one of my non-negotiables was not able to be met – getting married. Being married was emotionally and spiritually important to me.

I thought about digging out my peach colored list that I had started ten years prior. Then I remembered my notebook that had my 40 Something List. I started to think about what was on my list, both the negotiables and the non-negotiables. I spent the morning mentally working my way through most of these 15 steps. Getting clear, making sure the closets were cleaned out, making time and space for him to show up. Thinking about how I would energetically recognize him and what attributes and traits I wanted in my life partner, my marvelous match. I thought about the celestial influences, that might make a difference or not as the case would be. I began mentally to compose a new personal ad as my previous one was four years old. And I thought about where I would place the ad and what girlfriends I would send it to.

That night, yes, that night I met him unexpectedly at a contra dance. He was passing through town and lived half way across the country. A friend had told him about the dance. I almost didn’t go, but decided to get some exercise and clear my head so I could finish a major project later that night.

When we danced that one dance something clicked. There was a huge spark! We both felt it and recognized it. We changed our schedules over the next five days to spend as much time together as possible.

One of those evenings I read him a passage from a book of Celtic wisdom, Anam Cara by John O’Donohue. A few years prior to meeting my champion I had been my mother’s primary caregiver when she was receiving hospice care at home. While she slept during the day, I sorted through her boxes to begin the inevitable cleaning out of her house. At night I read the books that had caught my eye. Anam Cara became a source of inspiration and helped me understand many things I was experiencing. It also served as well as guidance to help me understand my want to be in relationship with someone special. I had come across a passage that made me believe that my champion would the person who agreed that the passage described the connection between us. When I read it to my champion he did not need to say anything, he simply nodded and kissed me.


A few days later, when he left town he said, “Take care of my heart.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Take care of my heart,” he repeated. “You have a piece of it.”


Over the next nine months we traveled to see each other. Then I closed my business and moved halfway across the country to be with him. Nine months later we were engaged to be married, something that was important to both of us. He is my champion; we are one heart, one love, one clay.
I share this with you so you know that it is possible to manifest your perfect match.


From Anam Cara by John O’Donohue

Love as Ancient Recognition

Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition. This metaphor of friendship can be grounded in the clay nature of the human body. When you find the person you love, an act of ancient recognition brings you together. It is as if millions of years before the silence of nature broke, your lover’s clay and your clay lay side by side.

Then in the turning of the seasons, your one clay divided and separated. You began to rise as distinct clay forms, each housing a different individuality and destiny. Without even knowing it, your secret memory mourned your loss of each other. While your clay selves wandered for thousands of years through the universe, your longing for each other never faded.

This metaphor helps to explain how in the moment of friendship two souls suddenly recognize each other. It could be a meeting on the street, or at a party or a lecture, or just a simple, banal introduction, then suddenly there is a flash of recognition and the embers of kinship glow. There is an awakening between you, a sense of ancient knowing. Love opens the door of ancient recognition. You enter. You come home to each other at last. As Euripides said, “Two friends, one soul.”

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One day my sister called me up and asked me, “Julie how did you know to leave your ex?”

Decisions are rarely easy. Most of the time they are difficult. The decision to stay in a relationship is not easy, nor is the decision to leave. Four times I’ve been the one to “make the decision” to leave a long term relationship or marriage. I’ve learned a lot about knowing whether or not I should leave a relationship. The first time was a good choice, the second time it was unclear but with hindsight I know I made the decision prematurely. The third time the decision should never have been needed to be made, and that said the decision to leave should have been made much earlier. The fourth time was very tough to say “I’m sorry, I’m leaving.” Knowing to leave or not came down to the answer of one question.

To answer my sister’s question I socratically asked her a really big question, “Can you imagine him never being in your life, ever again?” Her reply would help her answer her own deeper question of “How do I know if I should leave him?”

Answering the question myself about my first long term relationship, when I was eighteen, I would say, “Yes, I can imagine him never being in my life again.” We were good for each other at the time. It was a critical life learning. And there were no regrets escaping that relationship.

To answer the question about my first husband I would say, “I’m not sure…” We had had some tough times because of some of his health problems. A divorce was probably premature, but he felt he was holding me back from growing emotionally and professionally. And I was without outside emotional support. The divorce was a mutual decision. I moved away during the divorce process to move back to town a year later. A teeny part of me had hoped that he would still be around that we could check in and see where we were each at. My dad’s cousin had remarried his wife after about ten years of being divorced, so why couldn’t we? He had moved and we completely lost contact after our divorce hearing.

Answering the question about my second husband “Yes, absolutely yes I can imagine him never being in my life ever again.” Initially I had thought there would be things that I would miss, in particular his companionship. I married my best friend and that is how we should have remained. However it was a good decision, as the divorce was not as amicable as I had expected. It was difficult logistically and financially, but I had gone through one divorce and I was in a better place professionally the second time around. I leaned on my friends and family for support; I’d get through it.

Answering the question in relation to leaving my second long term relationship, who wasn’t a husband “No I can’t imagine him not being in my life.” I had a deep desire to be married. Yes I wanted to be married again, for a third time. It took me over eighteen months and some therapy to gain any understanding why I had this need to be married. It was not a religious living-in-sin type of feeling. I felt a deep sacred need to be married, one that is beyond logic. This did not meet his needs. It was a non-negotiable for me, so I had to say “Goodbye.” And I’m glad I did because a few months later I met my champion, now husband who is so very happy that we are married.

If you can imagine him never being in your life anymore, then it very well may be time to leave.

If you can’t imagine him never being in your life and there are non-negotiables or deal breakers that are not being met, I would suggest you explore the situation as thoroughly as possible.

If you can’t imagine him never being in your life again, and there are no deal breakers, keep working at it. Hindsight is very difficult.


How have you known it was time to leave?

What has helped you decide to stay or leave?

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Buy a Lottery Ticket or Dog?

People tell me that they are not interested in online dating, speed dating, asking friends to set them up on dates or doing visualizations or intention setting because they believe that if they are supposed to be in a relationship it will happen.

Yes it might happen, but the question remains, will it happen with the type of person with whom you want to be in a relationship?

I believe that just letting it happen or saying it will happen if it is supposed to is the equivalent of saying “If I am supposed to win the lottery, I will” but not buying a lottery ticket. You can’t win if you don’t play.

People have told me that it will happen if they just let go of the attachment of wanting to be in a relationship. They express this as if there is something wrong, bad or immoral about wanting and asking to have someone special in their life. To have a want is selfish, greedy or being needy. If they let go of the want and if they are deserving, in their mind, and they are supposed to be in a relationship, then it will simply happen. A strong wanting to be in a relationship often invites the gremlin to sit on your shoulder and say, “What if he doesn’t come along, then what?” Being wrapped up in angst about finding someone creates a lot of negative energy. Negative repels, positive attracts. Clarifying your intentions creates a positive mental framework to work within.

People often don’t want to set intentions because they don’t want to set themselves up for being disappointed if their intention is not met by the time frame they have specified. They don’t want others to know that they have set an intention because they feel that if it doesn’t work, then it will reflect poorly on them. They don’t want to deal with questions of “Well what happened?” When you letting others know how they can help you they then are part of the journey and want to help you succeed. They are also there to offer you encouragement. Or there to lend a shoulder to cry on if a keeper gets away.

Setting your intention creates an energetic connection with all the other people who are available to connect with you. There is a lot of “it will happen if it is supposed to” involved with finding your marvelous match. You do need to buy that lottery ticket though. If you want to play the game of relationships you have to put your money where your heart is. You play by being clear and specific as to who you want in your life and by when.

People who have gone through the process of clarifying and setting their intention about what they want in a partner often discover more about themselves. Their priorities become clearer to them. A beneficial result, whether they know it or not, is they are able to pitch a lot of emotional baggage that they don’t need anymore.

I encourage you to take some time and jot a few notes about what intention you want to set about finding your marvelous match.

Listen to your heart, take the plunge and go buy that lottery ticket. What do you have to loose?

Or on second thought, forget the whole thing and just go buy a dog.


Have you slipped up on specificity and clarity about your desires?

How are things progressing for you?

Have other bits of life interrupted your search?

Have you needed a little nudge to move forward?

And if you have met your champion, whether or not you’ve completed all 14 steps and 3 tests, please post in the comments below your good news.

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From where does the spark come? What creates that spark that you feel when you connect with someone?

Perhaps it is a passing glance or brush of the shoulder or hand, a few comments exchanged through email or a phone conversation.

Is it something karmic? Is it in the stars or destiny? Is it the scent of the cologne or shampoo that attracts you? Is it the twinkle in his eye? Her smile?

While going through a divorce, I stumbled upon two vastly different books on my mother’s bookshelf. Why she had John Gray’s Mars and Venus on a Date I will never know. (She died before I could ask her.) She and my father had been divorced for about ten years and she had sworn off all men. To put it bluntly my mother hated my father and hadn’t been on a date since before she met him in college. Why did she have a book on dating? Even though it was fairly outdated, I was curious about the Mars/Venus phenomenon. I had not had a chance to read any of Gray’s work. I hadn’t been on a date since high school. Considering that I would be back on the dating scene in due time, I was curious to read what Gray had to say.

The other book was Anam Cara a book of Celtic wisdom by John O’Donohue. Philosophy has always interested me, so the book on Celtic wisdom was intriguing. There were a number of sections that I really enjoyed in O’Donohue’s book. What really struck me was that each book mentioned the same thing regarding relationships.

Gray and O’Donohue each said that there are four things that are required in a “good” relationship: physical chemistry, emotional chemistry, intellectual chemistry and spiritual chemistry. Both mention that a relationship strong in all of these aspects is vitally important; I totally concur.

Emotional chemistry (how we feel about another in loving caring manner) can be developed and created.

Intellectual chemistry (interests in things – art, music, discussions, etc) can be developed and created.

Physical chemistry (sexual attraction, pheromones, etc.) and spiritual chemistry (a spiritual connection) both are either there or they are not. They can not be created from nothing. They can be revitalized but they had to be there in the first place.

After reading this in one book and then again in the other, it hit me really hard that this was the answer to the frustration that I had been feeling about my marriage to my second husband, soon to be ex. It explained a lot. We had the emotional and intellectual chemistries right from the start. But the physical and the spiritual chemistries were never there. They never would be. This was why I felt that something was missing. This explained why I felt we were out of synch, that something was wrong. I had married my best friend at the time, to whom I should have remained in a platonic relationship because the true spark was never there. And it never would be. The shared intellectual and emotional interests were not enough to support us through the struggles we had.

Thinking more about this, I came up with the analogy of a seed. A seed contains a vitality, life force or spark within it. When it is given the right conditions – soil, adequate water, the proper temperature and a good amount of sunlight – the spark within it will stimulate the growth of a plant. If the plant has one of these conditions withheld then it will start to wither and fail. If the plant is nourished, even after being stressed, as long as the proper conditions are provided, the plant will continue to grow and hopefully flourish. However all of this can only begin to happen if the vital chemistry (physical and spiritual chemistries) is already inherently contained within the seed. The seed will only sprout if those two chemistries are already there, they can not be created.

So where does the spark that ignites an attraction come from?

I believe the spark is ignited by the initial physical chemistry of pheromones and appearance, combined with a deeper, subtler spiritual connection that allows two souls to recognize the other as a place where their heart can be at home. (O’Donohue discusses Euripides’ and Plato’s descriptions of the connection of two hearts in a section entitled “Love as Ancient Recognition.”) From there two people can forge a strong relationship in the flame of their connection, fueled by emotional caring and intellectual sharing.

“As Euripides said, ‘Two friends, one soul.’” (From Anam Cara by John O’Donohue.)


What are your thoughts?

What do you think ignites the flame?

What do you think keeps it going?

And if you have met your champion, whether or not you’ve completed all 14 steps and 3 tests, please post in the comments below your good news.

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